Advertise Yourself on the Internet Like This?

I randomly found this on Craigslist and it is just too funny not to share. This is a good example of how you shouldn’t market on the Internet, or Indiana social media sites, but at the same time it’s avoiding a lot of potential messy clients. His customers know what they’re going to get and probably leave happy with the low expectations. Just a friendly reminder to not sell yourself TOO much.

One seriously no-talent photographer, mediocre gear, no corporate website, no references. Available for small events that you really don’t care to remember.

Are your expectations low enough?
Allow me to lower the bar a bit farther…

Never been to photography school.
Available whenever my real job doesn’t interfere…which is almost never.
Photoshop??!! You’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who…..
Never published. Never won an award. Never tried.
Not terribly fond of cats, kids or spiders.

If you’re still reading, you either have a twisted sense of humor or you’re terribly desperate for someone to shoot some photos.
Both are cool with me.

You might have guessed by now that I don’t take myself or my photography too seriously. (I don’t do it for a living so I can afford that luxury.)

I shoot for fun, new experiences or a bit of adventure.
I really don’t want to shoot your wedding, (unless you’re getting married while naked bungee jumping at a roller derby or some other ‘less traditional’ forum).

Even then, most of the photos will probably be of the prettiest girl in the wedding party. (Just want to make sure your expectations weren’t starting to rise).

Do I have any positive aspects?
Well…I don’t scare easily.
Lifestyle, culture, guns, tattoos, nekkid people, piercing, religion, death, sexual orientation…all those other buzzwords that some folks get all bent out shape over….they really don’t bug me. I’m well-traveled. I haven’t seen it all; but I’ve seen a lot….and I like to photgraph it along the way.
That’s about it. No more positives.

If for some reason you’re still interested, just reply to this ad.
No ‘standard’ fee. I charge depending on:
How much time it takes (more time = more $)
How far away it is (more miles = more $)
How interesting the event is (more interesting = less $)
How pissed it will make my wife (more pissed = less $)

I don’t do this to put a roof over my head…just trying to put a few more lenses in the bag.

If you have a once-in-a-lifetime event, spend the money to hire a photographer who will lose his house if he screws up.